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Painting via North Carolina Museum of Art
After the extreme hit her reputation took this past week when Kim Kardashian announced she was divorcing Kris Humphries after a mere 72 days of marriage, she clearly needs to launch into damage repair mode. When she decided to go public with the news of her divorce—rather, when TMZ decided to go public for her, Kim Kardashian could never have anticipated her adoring public would turn on her this quickly. In the hours after the news broke (where were you when you heard Kim Kardashian was getting divorced for the second time? 10/31/11…never forget), media outlets and Twitter trending topics began slamming the reality starlet or duping the American public.
Of course, a Kardashian never neglects her business obligations, so a taciturn Kim jetted off to Sydney to promote her new handbag line in the wake of the news. A morose Kardashian appeared on a Sydney talk show, and of course the topic arose.
“I think what really upsets me most is that there has [sic] been from the start so many rumors of money and dollar signs. Of all these things thrown up in the air; that this cost this much and this much, and so much of it not being true…I can’t really live my life for what people are gonna say—and not say it’s hurtful, but first and foremost I have to follow my heart,” Kim said on Australian morning show Sunrise while her sister Khloe looked on supportingly.
The media has been quick to accuse Kim of running to Australia to hide from the press and negative publicity, but both sisters insisted the trip was planned. “I really wanted to stick with my commitment to come to Australia. I love our fanbase out here, and, you know, of course, I really do want some time to myself. It’s a really tough thing to go through…I think when you know so deep in your heart that you just have to listen to your intuition, and follow your heart. There’s no right or wrong thing to do,” Kardashian said.
Intuition, Kim? That’s what you’re going with? Will we see a new fragrance called “Intuition” from you in the coming months to remind us once again how you listened to your heart and ended that showmance (we mean romance)? We’ll give Kardashian her planned statements and buzzwords because they’re just temporary damage control. The family is most definitely meeting with their skeevy publicist extraordinaire Jonathan Cheban right now to decide Kim’s next course of action.
The Kardashian handbag line is a momentary diversion, but the newly-single Kim needs the public to trust her again. After all, people don’t buy books, fragrances, diet supplements, handbags or clothing from people they don’t trust. Which is why we think Kim Kardashian is going to adopt a baby—or at least try to adopt one.
Kim has said in the past that once she turns 30 (she is now 31), she wants to become a mother. Given her current marital status, a naturally-conceived child is out of the question (unless she wants to face even more public scrutiny about moving on too quickly after her divorce); and given her numerous endorsement deals, a pregnancy is too much of a risk on her money-making figure.
So what’s option C? Adoption! Remember when Jesse James cheated on Sandra Bullock? Even though Bullock had just won an Oscar and should have been on top of the world, she went into hiding for a few months. When she emerged, Bullock had an announcement: She had adopted an adorable baby boy named Louis. Although Bullock’s situation isn’t entirely similar to Kardashian’s, the public response to an adorable adopted child will always be compassion and “Awwwwwwwww.”
Remember: We don’t actually know Kim Kardashian. We’re just offering creative, not entirely outside the box suggestions for how she can earn back public favor. She could also sell her 20.5 carat engagement ring and donate the proceeds to charity, and/or donate the items she received from her wedding registry to Americans who lost their homes due to the massive flooding we’ve had this year.
No matter what you decide to do Kim, please don’t get married again. You and Jennifer Lopez should stick to collecting clothes, jewelry and Birkin bags—not husbands.
The Daily Makeover Team
P.S. This post is intended to be humorous and mere speculation, like the Gold Rush and the stock market.
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